school these days.

I was prepared for a lot of things when coming to India.

-Diarrhea
-Vomiting
-Being dirty
-Developing the black lung from inhaling everyone else's smoke from their respective drugs of choice

I was not prepared for high school.

Yeah, that's sort of what it's like here. You are either in or your not. You either belong to the clique or you don't. So, you can pretty much put a big L on my forehead because I'm not Israeli, I don't do the drugs, and I believe that Yeshua is the messiah...and I talk about that. A lot.

After spending some time word-vomiting into my journal for a good 45 minutes yesterday, I began to understand the undercurrents of my growing frustration in being here in Dharamsala:

P-R-I-D-E

The past two days or so had been a growing dissatisfaction for not being perceived as I thought I should be. I was getting so irritated and frustrated feeling like everyone looked at me like I was that girl and writing me off like all I did was talk about Jesus.

I began to see the way my heart became indignant and heard this small voice crying out defiantly, "There's more to me than Jesus!"

...what?

Say that again, Rachel?

I mean, no. That's not the truth. At least, I hope it's not. If I really do believe that Yeshua is Lord, the atonement for my sins, the Messiah, my righteousness (hallelujah the list goes on and on) then why wouldn't that hugeness of His Grace be at the very forefront of the way that I live my life, and permeate every other part of my life?

Even if I'm not saying "I Love Jesus!" and carrying a Bible around, what sets me apart?

Here's what I think. Because I'm following the Lord and being made a new creation through Yeshua, my life should look different. I shouldn't be ashamed of the truth that has set me free. And if people could look at me and think, "here comes that Jesus-girl"-- that's an honor. To be so marked and transformed by the Lord that you radiate His love, His beauty?...

Still, it's a struggle. I feel the same as I did in high school. I just want to fit in with everyone and not have anyone know that I'm different, let it leak out cautiously that I love the Lord. But now, a couple of years wiser (fingers crossed) I can sort of see the other side of that.

I can walk in grace and confidence because of Yeshua. And If loving the Lord makes me a nerd, then fine.

I've secretly always wanted to wear suspenders with high wasted pants.

And a pocket protector.

As always, thankful for your prayers.