the joy of the Lord is your strength

Have been growing a lot at camp, I think. There were a couple of things that I was expecting, and simultaneously not expecting.

1) not expecting to be positively spiritually stretched

I knew that camp was going to be difficult spiritually, but I thought it would be more in the desert-sense. As in, feeling far away from the Lord and doing that spiritual water treading where you don't feel like you're making any forward progress, you're not exactly sinking, but if something doesn't happen either way then houston-we're-going-to-have-a-problem. Instead, I've actually been using what I learned in all of my classes this year, writing Sunday school lessons for the girls each week.

Four words:

Dang! This is hard!

As is speaking in front of people. Wanting to have something to say that's biblical, relevant, funny, educational, as well as concise and thought provoking- it actually feels like rocket science. I have a new appreciation for Pastors and teachers, Sunday school leaders, and anyone that's ever stood before me with their Bible open and said, "This is what the Word says."

2) expecting to be lonely

Quite the contrary. I work with the most hysterical people- we laugh. We laugh and laugh and laugh. I've been on the receiving end of encouragement more times than I think I've been on the giving end. New friendships have been born, old friendships have been strengthened. I think too, that my perceptions of what it is to be lonely has changed- I think I'm becoming more introverted. I love quiet moments- driving my car without the radio on, sitting on the dining hall porch during rest hour reading, journaling, praying- simply being. It's sweet.

3) not expecting to meet the man of my dreams

well. that actually hasn't happened, so at least some things are par for the course.

the name of the game for this (short) season is joy.

thanks for praying.

kissincousins?

what i learned today while reading the Bible:

moses' father married his aunt. so moses' parents were aunt and nephew before they were man and wife.

i'm tempted to make a cougar joke...

i'll restrain myself.

a bulwark.

the joy of the Lord is your strength.

Well, what does that even mean?

Say the phrase over and over again and try to make sense of it.

Pretty soon it's going to sound like the word "cellar door" a la Donnie Darko and you've totally lost the meaning at all and it sound little more than a meaningless string of consonants and vowels.

But I want this.

I want this "Joy of the Lord" and I want to know what it is. Exactly.

Is it joy from the Lord? Is it joy that belongs exclusively to the Lord? Is it joy from knowing the Lord?

I feel needy with all of these questions. I'm nearing the point of a casual desperation. I'm going. I'm doing. Camp is GREAT. I'm working hard. I'm loving the people that I'm working with, but I'm so...

fleshly.

It's all in my own strength. You know, you send up the occasional SOS to God and then you keep on. You grit your teeth and bare it. Because it's just one day at a time.

But I want it to be each day to count for eternity. And I know that I can't get there, or even halfway there, without the Lord strengthening me and equipping me with his powerful joy.

Joy cannot simply be some sweet attribute, a delicate fruit that hangs on the Spirit's vine.

The scripture says it is our strength.

Let us lean heavily into it.

camp.

this is what my life looks like this summer.

this video is fifteen minutes long.

watch all of it.

here.