on the road again

Well, this blog has reached it's year anniversary. I think. I haven't checked the exact dates but I'm quite certain that this time last year I was talking about the various shots that I needed and how I was going to wear my mosquito net like a dress. Or, excuse me, a burkha...

hi-larious, Rachel.

Really, do you ever go back through your blog posts or journal entries and wonder what the heck you were thinking when you wrote what you did. Well, I guess I was just writing out of excitement and nervousness and trying to laugh my way into the unknown.

Upon deeper reflection: it would seem that comedic timing in the face of insecurity, can always be counted on. You obtain a sense of control and self-approving pleasure that comes when you crack a joke and everyone laughs. Real fears seem to mellow out as long as there's a punch-line to follow.

But I think there are some things that can't be left for comedic timing.

Legitimate illness.

Suffering.

Loneliness.

Fear of the Unknown.

Eternity.

I don't there's a single one-liner that warms over The Judge when your sentence has been served and The Lamb hasn't stepped forward because you never asked Him to. Real security doesn't come from how well we are able to articulate our feelings, or laugh off awkwardness. It's not in the money we have, nor the company we keep, the country we live in.

Our security has to be with the Lord. Eternally, of course, but also for the here and now.

Especially in the face of the unknown. If you trust that He's going to stand up for you at that final moment, and say, "I paid for that," why is it so unbelievably difficult to believe that He will walk with you when you get that phone call from the doctor? When you find yourself in unfamiliar surroundings?

When He's called you to a desert-place.

When He's called you anywhere from where you are "comfortable".

He has to be enough.

He has to be.