can you even button your pants still?

Submit.

It's sort of a strange word. Dictionary says it means to "accept or yield to a superior force or authority or will of another person" or "consent to undergo a certain treatment or process"

Maybe I should have read the dictionary before I prayed for a heart that would submit to the Lord. I mean, obviously, it's what I want to be doing. I really do want my heart to accept the authority of the Lord above all else. But what about undergoing the certain treatment or process? Did I really want to sign up for that too?

So funny how when we pray for growth in some area, the Lord always gives us opportunities to work it out. [How convenient.]

Clearly, from the dialogue that my heart has been having with the Lord today, no I do not want to submit to the process of sanctification. I think if I were actually submitting to the Lord I wouldn't be giving myself permission to be emotionally pounding away on my computer. Or I wouldn't be storming around my room frustrated that my pants don't fit unless I make a slipknot with a hair tie to pull them up like a pregnant lady (actually, very martha stewart of me if i do say so myself).

How can I give myself permission to act a certain (ahem, sinful) way if I am actually submitting to the Lord-- accepting his authority, sovereignty, sanctification as the canopy that I live under?

I think that's just it.

I can't.

No, Rachel. You may not start crying because you're not sure what you're feeling or why you're feeling it. No, Rachel. You do not have permission to blow of quiet time with the Lord because you are just desperate for some extra sleep. No, Rachel. You do not have permission to waste your time rather than spend it studying for finals or for something else that is remotely edifying.

Submit--- under the authority of a perfect gracious Heavenly Father whose discipline yields fruit much sweeter than the bramble patch that my permissive sinful thoughts and actions land me in.