xanga throw back

Getting back to my blogging roots. Wrote this entry about 4 years ago. Excuse the malpracticed punctuation.

Saturday, October 07, 2006
Even though sleeping in an extra hour would have been sweet, I woke up and went for a walk.

It was gorgeous.

Like seriously... this morning made me like fall. And I told one of my friends that I hate the inbetween seasons becuase it's not like... a done deal. Things are changing, and we're saying goodbye to one phase of life, and getting ready to enter into another even if it's not the best... and I don't know.

I think we've already agreed that I'm not very good with change.

Let's take last year for example. Well. My grandparents moved in with us, exactly a year ago and I went into this crazy hibernation phase where I was out of the house as much as possible, having as little as possible communication with parents, and everytime I was actually home I'd come upstairs to my room and shut the door and listen to music all the time. I hated meal times, and I hated having to be with my family. In my sophomore mind (no wonder why sophomore means foolish) I thought everything that happended was a total invasion of privacy, and part of me seriously loathed my grandparents.

Sick, yeah? Well, that's what it was. It took almost a full year to get to the place where I've accepted my grandparents as a part of my life, but seriously.. change like that, completely alterred my personality. And for a while things were just not good inside of me.
The scariest part was, that after my grandparents moved in with me, I associated fall with some depression and a complete and full void in my life that I couldn't ever seem to fill. God felt distant, but at the same time I did very little to try to contact him.... and you know? Everything was like fjkdlajdfklajfklda. Just pounding down on the keys not making any words.

I feared fall.

But this morning changed it for me.

The leaves fell down around me while I was listening to some song by Jill Phillips, and well.. it all felt right. And I knew that these in between phases are not like THE big change. But more like the prologue to a new chapter... enticing, slightly profound,sometimes difficult...but just enough to pull you in to continue in the big story.

And so it begins...